00:45  Every bad behavior is grief in disguise.

"I sat with my anger long enough until she told me her real name was grief." - [allegedly] C. S. Lewis

Childhood development triangle.

1.  FRIENDS.  At 8, will I be liked?

2.  SAFETY.  Am I going to be okay?

3.  REWARD.  Am I going to be chosen by someone?  So that's the Childhood Triangle, the entire nervous system architecture from 0-10 years of age. 

Here's how it shows up today.  You're 34, you're at work, your boss doesn't reply to an idea that you have and your brain lights up like it is second grade and you didn't get picked for kickball that's the reward side of the triangle or maybe and you steal your or how you did something and you feel your whole body tense up or brace for something you're not pissed off you're seven and you're waiting to get grounded and that's the safety side of the triangle.  Where you walk into a big party you scan the entire room and instantly feel unworthy you're over analyzing your posture or your body your face your tone, your laughs.  And that's the friend side of the triangle that started when you were like eight or you think you're being emotional or insecure or too sensitive you're not doing any of those things you're running old software it's the triangle that's kind of Taken charge.

To be blunt about this with understanding it overeating somebody who eats too much cheesecake that's not about being hungry that's about something else if I'm over working my ass off for no reason that's not about ambition and being a people pleaser, which every one of us either is or knows one that's not about being kind all of that every single bit of that is a younger version of you trying not to be left behind again it's trying to prove you're worth and those three triangle needs: I need to be liked.  I need to feel safe.  And I want to be chosen.  So if somebody is acting irrational in your life or even dramatic or emotionally unavailable that's not a dysfunction like a lot of people would say psychologist would tell you. That's an encryption of code that's a script that they've learned.  

Let's talk about this word that everybody all of us we love to throw it around it's a word called grown up you hear it all the time when I grow up or the big classic one you're a grown up now let me just tell you something in my estimation, that word is fake.  It's a complete Mirage there is no such thing as a grown up we use it like it's a destination like one day we hit a certain age we get a job maybe we've got kids and boom we're done growing game over train station that's b*******.  Age does not equal maturity.  Responsibilities don't equal healing in any way having a mortgage doesn't mean you've made peace with an 8-year-old living inside of you who still flinches when somebody raises their voice nearby I guarantee you you go on social media right now you'll see a 47-year-old man have a full-blown temper tantrum meltdown because someone cut him off in traffic you'll see maybe a 33-year-old woman for three days because her friend didn't invite her out.