Not a fan of either in this conversation but the analyzer points out some valuable insights to help you deal with anyone trying to assert their dominance with you or bully you in conversation.
The other person twists your words and tries to make you look dumb so you'll learn how to defend yourself in any argument.
SPOT WHEN THEY ENTER FIGHT MODE
First step to defend yourself against a conversational bully is to identify when the conversation goes into fight mode. Like if they're shouting or cutting you off. But there's a subtler tell as well, like when Pierce is there to argue with Tate and not to understand him. Two tells here: if someone labels you or an idea you stand by as an issue or problematic that's a good indicator that they've switched into fight mode or if they want to argue with you before asking you to explain your point of view. If that happens, you should start being wary of conversational traps.
MISQUOTING
One of the most common traps is misquoting you. Misquoting you makes it easier for the other person to feel like they're dominating you because they're attacking a straw man instead of your actual views. Sounds like it would be easy to catch but sometimes it only takes a small tweak to your words to have a big impact on their meaning. If you weren't paying attention, you may not notice the small tweak. For example, listen to Andrew respond when Piers asks him what his opinion of Alex Jones is after meeting him.
He was professional and courteous to me when. I meet somebody and they show me respect, I show them back respect. That's what I do as I did with you.
PIERS: You respect him?
If somebody shows me respect, I show them respect back.
PIERS: So if Adolf Hitler . . . if Adolf Hitler showed you respect, you would respect him back?
That's a huge difference between showing someone respect by being polite versus having respect for them and their ideas. Andrew even catches this at first, but Piers is persistent in establishing that straw man.
PIERS: Well I'm not. I'm taking your position that if somebody shows you respect, you respect them. I'm saying there are lots of people in the world I do not respect. If Vladimir Putin showed me respect, I would not respect him.
That's your opinion. But you . . .
I know it's my view. What's your view? Your view is you would.
You can see Piers trying to force a view upon Andrew that he doesn't actually believe. So you have to be careful not to let someone misquote you or you may find yourself defending a belief that upon reflection you don't even have. Luckily there is a simple solution for this. If you're aware of it, re-establish your own point of view before you defend it.
You say that people don't want to see men dressed up like transgender people.
That's not exactly what I said.
What did you say?
I said the reason I am so popular and I'm so famous is that there is a large contingent of men who don't want to wear makeup, who still want to make money, go to the gym, be strong, drive a fast car, be traditionally masculine, and don't want to be shamed for that. They don't want to be called toxic for that.
Now if you do start to make good points in an argument you'll have to watch out for this next trick.
DERAILING INTERRUPTIONS
This is when someone tries to interrupt you before you can establish your strongest point you're taking the sentences and your weaponizing them against me I'm not weaponizing anything.
You can see in that clip that the interruptions are starting to bother Andrew. Luckily there are three ways you can handle being interrupted.
TRICK #1
First trick is to pause, acknowledge the person then return to the point that you were making.
PIERS: All I've done is literally read out all the things we identified from all the research that I thought were blatantly misogynist and give you the chance to respond. The only time I've interrupted you is when you've tried to answer a completely different question.
TATE: Understood Pierce.
You can even see a little smile in Piers' eyes after. That's because most people in an argument crave to feel heard and understood.
TRICK #2
Here's another example. You can steal this line word for word if you want to acknowledge someone without agreeing with them. This time, Piers even makes a little positive noise after Andrew acknowledges him.
TATE: I don't think so.
PIERS: And I think your view of that is . . . that view is dangerous.
TATE: I respect that you think my view is dangerous, and I respect you have the right to view that.
That line is a nice way to remain connected with someone without giving ground you don't agree with. It makes the other person feel heard and that disarms their need to attack. Now, once someone has established a pattern of interrupting you, the next thing you can do is preempt their interruption. Here's an example.
And this is actually what is interesting. And please don't interrupt me on this point. Social media has changed in modern times.
4:20. You can even see Pierce's body language change as he disengages to respect Andrew's request.
TRICK #3: ONE-FINGER STOP GESTURE
If the person continues to interrupt you you can call it out with a one-finger stopped gesture.
PIERS: No, no, let's stop for a second.
TATE: Please don't interrupt me. Here's why I know, why your job first you interrupt people a lot, which is a good skill. I believe in marriage more than anybody, in fact, I believe in marriage. No, please, I believe in marriage in the traditional sense.
DON'T STEAMROLL CONCESSIONS
Now on the flip side, you also want to avoid the trap of being the interrupter, especially if someone is responding to a point you've made. Don't steamroll concessions. There were a few times there when Piers actually made a good point but he interrupts so much that Andrew can't even agree with him.
PIERS: Well, you did say at the start of this little exchange, you said, "Well, I wouldn't maybe say things the same way now that I did before I was famous," and yet, actually, you've doubled down and said exactly the same thing.
On certain points . . .
So that is what you believe. That's my point, yes, I'm trying to work out . . . . Look, I don't know you. We just met, right? Steamrolling concession prevents you from reaching common ground with the person you're talking to. If there's anyone else listening, it also makes it harder for them to register that you've made a good point. There's one more example so you can see what not to do.
Well I think my sister is my, her husband's property.
Yes, so fundamentally I don't believe a man owns a woman. You do.
