SAMA HOOLE: Cacao contains theobromine, a stimulant similar to caffeine that stresses the adrenal system. It's literally toxic to dogs because they can't metabolize it. Humans can, slowly, but it still stimulates cortisol release.

Dark chocolate is not a health food.

It's made of cacao beans roasted, ground, mixed with sugar, and sold as antioxidant therapy.

Cacao contains theobromine, a stimulant similar to caffeine that stresses the adrenal system. It's literally toxic to dogs because they can't… pic.twitter.com/gs3XWeXsB1

— Sama Hoole (@SamaHoole) December 16, 2025

Dark chocolate is not a health food.

It's made of cacao beans roasted, ground, mixed with sugar, and sold as antioxidant therapy. Cacao contains theobromine, a stimulant similar to caffeine that stresses the adrenal system. It's literally toxic to dogs because they can't metabolize it. Humans can, slowly, but it still stimulates cortisol release. The oxalates in dark chocolate are off the charts. A 100g bar contains 200-500mg of oxalates depending on cacao percentage. These bind to calcium, form crystals, and stress your kidneys. Cacao is also high in nickel, which triggers reactions in people with nickel sensitivity. Eating dark chocolate regularly is a reliable way to discover you have this sensitivity. The flavanols everyone talks about are indeed present, but they're also in tea, berries, and wine. The chocolate-specific research is largely funded by Mars and Hershey. Most dark chocolate contains cadmium from the soil cacao grows in. Consumer Reports found many popular brands exceed California's safety limits for cadmium exposure. You're eating roasted seeds high in oxalates, heavy metals, and adrenal stimulants, mixed with sugar, and calling it medicine because some studies funded by chocolate manufacturers found antioxidants. The dose of oxalates in one bar is enough to cause kidney stones, but at least you got your polyphenols.