Chase Hughes (behavior expert & father of a 17-year-old daughter) drops urgent advice for parents—especially about raising daughters who won't blindly follow "authority":
Young girls' brains are hardwired to respond strongly to male authority/tribal-leader status. That wiring… pic.twitter.com/biSBu1kTd2
What people need to do, especially young girls, especially young girls, I have a daughter who is 17, you need to think, "Am I being influenced by authority? Am I seeing authority or a good person?" Because especially for the female brain it's hard wired to respond to . . . male authority, like tribal leader status, and that bypasses a lot of your critical ability. Is this the right thing to do? Should I be doing this, is it healthy? And I would say this to moms and dads everywhere. This starts when they're 4. This starts when they're 3, and they go to the doctor and your behavior around that doctor will dictate how they behave around authority. Will you tell your kid like,
That doctor is your employee. You tell the doctor what to do. You tell the doctor the problems. The doctor works for you.
I'm not telling my kid to be a dick. We're still respectful. We say "Mister," "Misses," "Yes, ma'am," but you're in charge of that doctor. So we start teaching early on to recognize the difference between authority and perceived authority.
Standing up for yourself usually makes things worse. Here's why. Most people think standing up for themselves means explaining more, raising their voice, or proving they were right. That is escalation.
The moment you push back emotionally, you trigger threat: identity threat, control threat, or safety threat, sometimes all at once. The brain stops listening. The nervous just takes over and now you're not setting a boundary, now you're getting into a fight. That's why things blow up so fast. You defend your tone, they attack your character. You explain your intent, they rewrite your meaning. You ask for respect, they hear a challenge.
So standing up for yourself the common way turns into a threat.
Here's what actually happens under the hood. Explaining signals uncertainty. That uncertainty invites pressure justifying signals that we can negotiate and that invites domination. So emotional intensity always signals a loss of control, and loss of control invites escalation. So the louder you get the less Authority you have and the longer you talk they have the more room Twisted they have to twist it that is why manipulator love it when you stand up for yourself it gives them material.
Real boundaries don't argue. They don't convince, and you're not performing. Real boundaries are stated, and then pause, and then move on. No story. No defense. No emotional charge. And the part that people miss is when you stand up for yourself correctly, reasonable people adjust immediately. Unreasonable people will escalate.
You do not have habits the way that people talk about habits. You have an identity that produces predictable behavior. That's what you call habits. You have an identity that produces predictable behavior. Identity is what your nervous system predicts you will do under pressure. That's identity. That's all it is. So your brain has one big sacred rule is do not violate the story. Do not violate the story. The big roadblock is that identity change feels like death. So you're behaving in a way that contradicts your identity. You're violating your brains number one rule: stay with the story. You're violating THE rule of the brain. So your brain experiences this as danger, exposure I'm going to get judged.
There's a loss of belonging, a loss of predictability. So you have to destroy the old one first.
So there's three mechanisms that change identity fast especially if you are manipulating another person: embarrassment, discussed and aversion. Those three things you can change an identity, but we're doing it to ourselves. So we stop forever for the rest of your life, stop saying "I'm working on myself" or "I'm trying to change," and start being disgusted with that other version of yourself, absolutely nauseated, disgusted.
You always repeat the phrase, "That version is beneath me."
"That behavior is unbelievably embarrassing."
"That behavior is disgusting."
"That thought process is disgusting."
"I don't recognize myself when I act like that."
Thursday, January 15, 2026
00:45 Every bad behavior is grief in disguise.
"I sat with my anger long enough until she told me her real name was grief." - [allegedly] C. S. Lewis
Childhood development triangle.
1. FRIENDS. At 8, will I be liked?
2. SAFETY. Am I going to be okay?
3. REWARD. Am I going to be chosen by someone? So that's the Childhood Triangle, the entire nervous system architecture from 0-10 years of age.
Here's how it shows up today. You're 34, you're at work, your boss doesn't reply to an idea that you have and your brain lights up like it is second grade and you didn't get picked for kickball that's the reward side of the triangle or maybe and you steal your or how you did something and you feel your whole body tense up or brace for something you're not pissed off you're seven and you're waiting to get grounded and that's the safety side of the triangle. Where you walk into a big party you scan the entire room and instantly feel unworthy you're over analyzing your posture or your body your face your tone, your laughs. And that's the friend side of the triangle that started when you were like eight or you think you're being emotional or insecure or too sensitive you're not doing any of those things you're running old software it's the triangle that's kind of Taken charge.
To be blunt about this with understanding it overeating somebody who eats too much cheesecake that's not about being hungry that's about something else if I'm over working my ass off for no reason that's not about ambition and being a people pleaser, which every one of us either is or knows one that's not about being kind all of that every single bit of that is a younger version of you trying not to be left behind again it's trying to prove you're worth and those three triangle needs: I need to be liked. I need to feel safe. And I want to be chosen. So if somebody is acting irrational in your life or even dramatic or emotionally unavailable that's not a dysfunction like a lot of people would say psychologist would tell you. That's an encryption of code that's a script that they've learned.
Let's talk about this word that everybody all of us we love to throw it around it's a word called grown up you hear it all the time when I grow up or the big classic one you're a grown up now let me just tell you something in my estimation, that word is fake. It's a complete Mirage there is no such thing as a grown up we use it like it's a destination like one day we hit a certain age we get a job maybe we've got kids and boom we're done growing game over train station that's b*******. Age does not equal maturity. Responsibilities don't equal healing in any way having a mortgage doesn't mean you've made peace with an 8-year-old living inside of you who still flinches when somebody raises their voice nearby I guarantee you you go on social media right now you'll see a 47-year-old man have a full-blown temper tantrum meltdown because someone cut him off in traffic you'll see maybe a 33-year-old woman for three days because her friend didn't invite her out.
If Dopamine is low in the brain, shit feels pointless, a goal, or whatever feels really obvious. Planning replaces action. I'm going to do all these journals and one-year plans, little white boards. The word "tomorrow" becomes kind of a lifestyle for us. --Chase Hughes
1:47DOPAMINE. People say that dopamine is pleasure. That's a lie. It's way completely false. Dopamine dysregulation is the cause of Parkinson's. It has nothing to do with pleasure. So Dopamine is misunderstood. Dopamine is the signal that something is worth moving toward. So when dopamine is healthy, when I make some effort, it feels meaningful. If I make some progress in my life, it feels real. And the actions that I'm taking towards a goal or whatever, feel really obvious. If Dopamine is low in the brain, shit feels pointless, a goal or whatever feel really obvious. If Dopamine is low in the brain, shit feels pointless. Planning replaces action. I'm going to do all these journals and one-year plans, little white boards. The word "tomorrow" becomes kind of a lifestyle for us.
2:31SEROTONIN. The second neurotransmitter is serotonin.
Cholesterol and saturated fats make up more than 50% of your cell membranes.
Cholesterol is an important antioxidant, enhances serotonin, maintains gut integrity, and is the precursor to many major hormones.
Why would you want to lower something that's so crucial to life?
And the 3 words that I want you just to think about with Serotonin is control, stability, and restraint. Serotonin is not happiness. I want you to think of Serotonin as impulse control. It's the chemical that lets you pause instead of just reacting to something. It lets you delay gratification. It lets you stick with something when it gets uncomfortable. So when your serotonin is low, it looks like emotional volatility. You have more anxiety. You get pissed off more easily. It's the "I know exactly what I should do, but I can't make myself do it."
3:10NOREPINEPHRINE. The 3rd chemical is norepinephrine. Norepinephrine. And the three words I want you to associate with this are readiness, energy, and backbone. This is the one that people confuse with stress. But if you look at norepinephrine, it's regulated intensity. Healthy levels of norepinephrine feel like an alert sense of calm, like you're more resilient to stress and like a readiness to act if something happens. Low norepinephrine is brain fog, avoidance, learned helplessness, fatigue that sleep won't fix. And if your norepinephrine is too high, we have anxiety, and panic and burnout, and definitely, definitely going to get some insomnia there.
Let me kill one more myth here, and this is a big one I had written down. Vitamin and mineral deficiencies don't just happen to malnourished kids in Somalia. They happen to people that are stressed, that live a busy life, that are disciplined, people who push through stuff, people who skip meals, people who sleep like shit, people who live on a whole lot of caffeine, adrenaline. I want you to write this one thing down: Stress burns nutrients. And if I had [fewer] nutrients, I have inflammation. And inflammation blocks the absorption even further, and then sleep deprivation wrecks our receptor sensitivity, the receptors that we need to absorb all this good stuff. So you can eat the most perfect diet ever and still be super depleted.
Sunday, November 23, 2025
Chase Hughes.
Tuesday, September 30, 2025
Being on The Behavior Panel, you've had to look at countless cases where you analyze whether they're lying or not, or whether they've abducted or killed their own children. What's the most fascinating or chilling case that you that you remember that you analyzed?
1:06. Erin Caffey. People are bad drivers because you don't have to rely on reputation. And that was the true embodiment of what a psychopath is and she had her parents murdered and her little brother who was a child and she convinced her boyfriend to do all this . . . .
1:25. The boyfriend was not a psychopath . . .
1:27. No, I think he was just a super suggestible, and she knew how to pull all those string
1:31. and he was just really into her.
1:36. Yeah, and Dr Phil interviewed her you could see those eyes I've never I studied psychopathy for a long time but I never felt it until that video where you could just feel that's not a human being almost like there's no human in there that's a wild creature that has no that views a human being the same as throwing away a paper cup.
2:06. So you just see through the behavior of human beings little signs in their behavior their facial expressions in their tone the words they use, whether someone is a psychopath or whether they are lying whether they're concealing information what did you see in her that gave that away I mean what could we look for?
2:27. The horrifying truth is that you can't spot a psychopath until after they've done something like that. So you can have the 50 best behavior profilers in the world, the top 50, and 99% would be inaccurate in predicting who is a psychopath and who's not. They're so hard to spot. I teach a course for women on how to spot narcissists on her first date and that's a lot easier where if you ask them about an ex relationship everything is someone else's phone they're always the victim narcissist will never have friends that are local they'll never have local people that are their friends they're always out of town I've got my friends in another city so they have a hard time maintaining relationships so you'll see a lot of that and that's like the number one trend. You'll see very similar things with psychopaths. And psychopaths are attracted to large cities. In my analysis, Dr. Robert Hare has done most of the research on psychopaths. In my analysis, I think that cities are not just attracting psychopaths, I think that cities are helping to manufacture them. In the book I have coming out, The Behavior OPS Manual, 2024, I have a chapter in their called, "Psychopath Factories," where I talk about the elements of the city and how they manufacture psychopathy.
Charlie Kirk is dead, and it exposed something vile and horrifying that I want to share you right now just candidly. He was murdered while he was speaking in public to a group of college kids. And there's one part of this that I think should horrify you to the deepest parts of your very soul. Instead of a universal outrage, instead of every decent person saying this is insane and this is wrong, the internet seemingly lit up with these celebrations, cheers and memes and people actually laughing and celebrating the murder of a man because he wore a different political jersey. So let that sink in for a second and I don't think any of this is about Charlie Kirk the person and I don't think it's about whether you liked him or hated him or didn't even care I think it's about the fact that political murder is somehow just another headline nowadays and we scroll right past it there is a whole new low for where we could go and you have people online cheering like it's their team winning a Super Bowl and what you're saying is an evil evil mask slipping this is a signal and it's a signal??? When actual TV networks air over and over clips that encourage people to see the other side not as neighbors that we might disagree with, but as enemies that need to be destroyed as the threat to society. And you've seen it. I have no doubt. We all have seen this. People in the media saying these people are a threat these people are dangerous maybe some violence is Justified and it's not Fringe anymore. This is mainstream. And there are thousands of these clips out there aired to millions of people, kind of nudging suggesting, maybe planting seeds that maybe a fist, maybe a bullet is legitimate form of political debate.
JOHNNY DEPP: When was the last time an actor assassinated a president?
RICK WILSON: They're still going to have to go out and put a bullet in Donald Trump, and that's a fact.
2:36. A lot of people don't have the attention span to maybe stick with this, but I pray that you do because I'm going to expose something here that's going to change everything for you if you stick around. But here is the irony and what I think is an absolute concrete law of history. It's concrete law. The minute that your ideas require violence to enforce or spread, they're already completely bankrupt. Every tyrant, every failed ideology, every social collapse starts the exact same way. The debate dies, then violence takes the place of debate, and you can't argue with a gun. You can only kill with it. And when killing is the substitute for a conversation, society as a whole starts falling off a cliff. And we all, myself included, we all have been sold the biggest con of our entire life. And this is that the problem is Left versus Right, or Republicans versus Democrats, and that is the distraction firework show that they want a screaming about while they're doing something else. And this is a magicians trick and this is a magician's trick and I'm about to really show you what Charlie Kirk God Rest his soul has kind of exposed here.
3:51. If you turned on cable news today you go in your living room today you go into your living room turn it on maybe you scroll social media what are you going to see? The absolute fringe. They're going to show you the loudest, dumbest, most cartoonish people from the other side blasted in your face 24/7. You're not being shown your neighbor, or your coworker, or the mom next door who votes differently, you're being shown a bunch of professional lunatics that are hand-picked to make you think one thing and the one big thing that they want you to think is, "Oh my God! These people are insane. They are the enemy. That's the reason that we're going downhill.".
And none of this is an accident. This is word for word textbook psychological operations. Military psyops manuals literally describe how you isolate a target audience, then you pump them full of a bunch of outrage. You create a tribal Us vs. Them identity. This is straight out of a psyops textbook.
So why would we want to do this, or why would psyops want to do this? Because once you're locked into tribal thinking, you're going to swallow anything. You're going to believe any lie about the other side. You're going to cheer when other people suffer. You'll excuse things that you would never excuse in your own neighborhood if you watched it right in front of you and it was one of your neighbors. This is exactly the playbook on how you can get otherwise decent, kind people laughing at a murder on the internet. That is how you radicalize a country without firing a shot.
The number one thing you need to compare yourself with other people on is comfort. That's it. Is can I be more comfortable than the other person in this conversation, because our brains are naturally wired to compete. We can't turn competition off, but we can change what they're focused on. And if they're focused on comfort, we win a lot more conversations.
Comfort. How does that manifest? Is that just like being physically comfortable? What is that? [chuckle]
Yeah, it would be physical comfort, so one of the challenges I give to people is for your first week, all, the only thing I want you to focus on . . . I'm not going to give you this long list to go look into your phone and have to read it before every meeting. The one thing I want you to focus on this week is can you move slower than the other people in the room? That's it. Just adjusting the speed limit on your body. So if you were standing in a swimming pool, how fast would your arms and legs move if you were underwater? And make that the speed limit for this entire week. That's all I want you to focus on, and that makes so many changes in people's mind, because we change our body and how our emotions are feeling.
And there's one thing that fear does, it speeds up our body so if you see someone doing these rapid jerking movements you're seeing mostly fear or stress in their body.
